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awakening big picture

9 Negative Emotions And What They Mean

Stop Negativity

There are 9 common emotions that are uncomfortable, unpleasant and just darn nasty.

Fear, Hurt, Anger, Frustration, Disappointment, Guilt and/or Reget, Inadequacy, Overwhelm and Loneliness.

I think most of us have felt these in our lifetimes, and perhaps even on a weekly or daily basis.  There was a time when I experienced Anger, Frustration and Overwhelm almost daily.

The 9 Negative States can be seen as warning lights on your dashboard.

Here’s what they mean and how you can learn from them to release them.

1) Fear

Batten down the hatches, tense up – there’s something you’re going to have to deal with.  This is not always true, but you feel it!  Take a moment, breathe.  Is there really something worth fearing?  Unless you are in a life/death situation, most fears are overblown, misplaced and are just worry amplified.  Worry is also not necessary.  If it happens, deal with it then.  Don’t make it worse by spending energy tensing up for a possible non-event.

Action:  Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?  Then what? And then?”

2) Hurt

Somehow a standard was not met.  Rules were broken.

Action:  Reflect on “Are these rules even valid?  Who made these standards?”

3) Anger

This is a more intense version of hurt, because again, a rule was not met.

I have been in arguments in the past where the other person leaves the room because I’ve raised my voice.  In my set of rules, it was okay to get passionate about your discussion and just get it all out in the open now.  The other party, whose rules were, never raise your voice as that is verbal abuse and threatening would just leave the room.  Can you see how these sets of rules were always in conflict?

Action: Let it go.  Reflect on the standards and rules that you feel were not met.  What now?

4) Frustration

Something is not working and trying to bang through the wall over and over in the same way will only leave you with a banged up head.

Action:  Change the approach.  Change something.  Be flexible.

5) Disappointment

You haven’t achieved something and you need to change.  You also may be feeling a little sorry for yourself.

Tony Robbins says the difference between winners and losers is that winners know how to control their emotional state.  Emotions can be thought of as weather patterns being sent up from the unconscious, most triggered habitually.  Did you know that you can consciously induce triumph or disappointment?  You choose your states whether it is out of habit or choice.

Action:  Change the process or change what you want your outcome to be.  Pivot.

6) Guilt / Regret

You broke one of your own standards.

Lester Levenson created a whole personal improvement program called the Release Technique and it is simply letting yourself feel the emotions fully and then releasing them. Once you do, you have emptied out the energy you were holding onto thereby clearing all kinds of problems created by stress which causes disease.   This technique lives on with two of Lester’s disciples Hale Dwoskin’s Sedona Method and Larry Crane’s Release Technique.

Action: Make amends, forgive yourself, and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

7) Inadequacy

You feel less than something or someone else.  You can do this by first, stop comparing yourself to others and to start educating yourself in the ways you feel inadequate.  This may be in the hard skills of how to play chords on piano, or the soft skills of how to have confidence in public speaking.

Action:  Learn skills, Stop comparing to others.  Measure your results to see personal  improvement.

8) Overwhelm

Your priorities have become muddled and you’re trying to do everything because you don’t know which is the most important.

Action: Stop, reflect, prioritize and then go forth.  Most people over-estimate what they can achieve in a year, but underestimate what they can do in a day.

9) Loneliness

You need to connect with people and spirit.

Action: Get out and say hello.  Find your support group of like-minded people.  Find your “sangha.”  Get with God.  I have a writing group, my church choir, my Dad’s group, my music students, my family and now the Foundation as my network.  I’m grateful to have them all.

I’ve learned this list from Dane Maxwell and Andy Drish at The Foundation, of which I’m just starting the journey.  Because I’m an extroverted thinker, I find I can think and reflect better if I’m teaching others about it.  I hope you find this helpful.

Categories
growth joyful living

Using Power Poses To Transform Your Life

So most people living in the year 2014 know by now that there is a mind-body connection, usually in that direction. How you think and feel is manifested in your body and the material world. For example, you are feeling depressed and therefore you gain weight, feel sluggish, sleepy and your immune system breaks down and you catch a cold.

Research has now proved that there is a body-mind connection. Meaning, you can change how you feel by changing the way you move and hold your body. Tony Robbins has been saying his for years but recently Amy Cuddy, a social scientist and professor at Harvard Business School conducted an experiment. She wanted to test whether there were measurable changes in people depending on how they moved and held their posture.

Power poses are universal expressions of confidence and power and look like this:

Power Poses - High Energy Poses That Will Change Your Life

Low energy poses are also universal and look like this.

Low power poses diminish you from the outside in
Dr. Cuddy discovered that in nature and in humans, the dominant leader usually has a high testosterone level and a low cortisol level. Testosterone is usually associated with masculinity, aggressiveness, and power whereas cortisol is related to stress levels.

The subjects came in, they measured their hormone levels from their saliva, they held either a power pose or a low energy pose and then they ran a risk behavior test with a gambling experiment and then took another saliva sample.

The results were astounding. Just holding a power pose for 2 minutes can dramatically change the hormone levels either way. This can dramatically change someone’s life!

But will the results last? Will “Faking It Until You Make It?” truly transform one for good?

As someone who grew up very shy and awkward, I can attest to this, though I didn’t know that was what I was doing. I had found some “charisma” exercises in a book  and found them quite empowering. One of them was just standing looking at yourself in a mirror for 2 minutes with total love and acceptance. This was surprisingly difficult at first. We are programmed not to love ourselves and to nitpick and find all our faults. By doing this for a few minutes everyday, I can tell you I was a different person. Within a few months I was actually going on acting auditions and taking classes as an actor! This was unbelievable to my former self! Within 2 years I was a television host with millions of viewers every day.

So this can have huge effects on our children.  Just this morning was the first of 3 days of standardized testing for my son’s middle school.   So, what did we do besides a good breakfast and a sound night’s sleep…power poses!

My next student’s recital will definitely include some power posing before performance.

You should definitely watch the TED Talk. It’s one of the 50 most viewed!